“I wake up every single morning with the passion to change the world but I go to sleep at night knowing I didn’t do enough and fearing that I never will.” Of the hundreds of hazy memories of numerous blogs I have read in the recent past, this line (or something along it) has hauntingly stayed with me.
This last year has been a whirlwind of change for me personally. I experienced the exhilaration of having a burning passion for humanity and the world we live in. I discovered a powerful optimism and confidence in myself. And I vowed to never question either of the above sentiments, lest it deter me from the path I have chosen. Alas, like any philosopher, I find I have reached a point where the sheer power of human skepticism has forced me to do just that- question my idealism.
I tread upon this cognitive path very carefully because I risk the danger of falling into the depths of pessimism. But I know the journey is necessary because over confidence and impossible expectations have caused the downfall of men and women much more ambitious and talented than I.
Fancy metaphors aside, the question is simple- In my excitement and ambitiousness, have I lost sight of exactly what I want to achieve and how to get there?
I have been reading blogs of my fellow super-hero-wannabe GenYers. I have read hundreds of inspired lines about their dreams of storming the business world, transforming their countries and living fulfilled lives rich with compassion and success. I see dreams waiting to be fulfilled, ideas patiently awaiting life and idealists hoping to become inspiring leaders. Shockingly though, I have yet to see even one person clearly define how they expect to accomplish those things and the exact steps they will take to get there.
Sure, we have all made blanket statements.
“I will go into politics and revolutionize the system.”
“I like to help people. That’s why I want to be a doctor.”
“Money talks. So only socially responsible businesses can change the world.”
I have heard and thought all those things. But I think very few of us have thoroughly scrutinized that treacherous path required to accomplish our over-reaching goals. And coming to those goals, there are bloody so many of them! I have to have it all (apparently another signature trait of us Millennials). I want to travel. I want beautiful babies and a gorgeous mansion in the burbs. I want a powerful, glamorous career. I want to serve our communities and leave a lasting impact. I want a healthy social life with intimate friendships.
Youthful daydreaming might be blinding us to the harsh realities.
Reality check: You have 24 hours in a day and 2,000 calories to expend daily. Every single one of those lofty goals mentioned above requires intense commitment in time and energy. There is only a certain age until which you can think to yourself, “I will do it!” and soon you cross over to, “I should have done that.” You must invest a great amount of introspection and planning to figure out your priorities and map out your ideal path.
This is what I realized in 2010 and I am so thankful for that realization. Now I just have to sit and figure out how to make my dreams come true!
Ambitious. Humanitarian. Entrepreneurial. Avid Traveler. Socially Responsible. Idealist. Intelligent. Perfectionist.
On a good hair day, when I’m wearing my new boots and rocking my brushed steel water-bottle (don’t ask), I would rattle off the above as a list of my best qualities.
Ego is a funny thing. No matter how much one appreciates humility, (one being me here) the fuzzy feeling of being unique and special is foundationally necessary for us to feel good about ourselves. We want to be the exception and not the rule.
We know there are many out there: smarter, prettier, more talented than us. Still, our ego shouts above all logic, “I am meant for something special…they are not.” This is the attitude I have observed in myself and many friends of mine. We all think the world must change and we all think, “I will be the one to do it!” I thought I just had a fabulous group of friends but apparently, 60 million other people feel the same way. They call all of us Generation Y.
I really wasn’t aware of the Generation Y label. I for one, find it rude to be lumped into a demographic. Few weeks back, I stumbled upon this. Not-so-breaking-news…our parents and older siblings have been carefully watching and scrutinizing us for the past 10 years or so. And they have passed their judgment.
This is what they think of us:
- We believe we are the center of the universe.
- We are tech-savvy and therefore, a highly productive and efficient generation.
- We are the most civic-minded generation, serving millions of hours of community service across the world. We are deeply concerned about the environment and community in general.
- We like meaningful work that is fulfilling and hate the idea of working up the corporate ladder.
- We are a globally minded generation and therefore we love to travel.
- We don’t define the perfect job with money but by flexibility, the avenue for personal growth and a non-competitive, collaborative work environment.
- We are entrepreneurial. Partly because we want flexibility and because we think anything is possible. (The rise of the Mark Zuckerbergs and Pete Cashmores of the world reinforced this belief.)
- We are incredibly hard workers.
This is just a very, very short summary of the many things that have been said about us. Is anyone else as surprised as me to find out that you are just as unique as everyone else? Here I was thinking (like a typical Gen Yer…ugh!) that I am God’s gift to the planet and the revolutionary Noah who will lead the world to the Ark.
In a way I am bummed…mostly suffering from a hurt ego. But I am also ecstatic! With 60 million hard working idealists wanting to make the world a better place, we truly could be The Next Great Generation. We could be the generation that alleviates poverty and reverses Global Warming or finds the cure for Cancer.
If I can’t save the world, at least I can say my generation did. Nice!
Thoughts?
2009 was the year I fell in love.
With the internet. I loved the internet not for what it was (routers, servers, HTML etc.) but for what it could do. With Twitter, Facebook, Blogs and YouTube, the internet gives the term “mass media” a whole new dimension by allowing us regular folks to spread ideas, inspire change and make our long stifled voices heard. In Digital Marketing and Social Media I found the power to truly make the world a better place. As with most loves, right now I feel like I just don’t know where my relationship is going anymore.
Social media worked when its user base was honest and genuine. Small businesses and doe-eyed entrepreneurs in a small Nebraska town could sell their humble products online to their niche target audience while the rest of us stalked people on Facebook. This balance worked because the medium focused more on “social” and less on the “media.” The brands and companies leveraging the space were honest and earned consumer respect because of it. Those were the happy days.
Now, all companies see is $ signs on our heads as they try to force us to go to their websites, act like we care enough to be a Facebook “fan” and then get paid for advertising their products on Twitter. This to me is as annoying as a bobblehead squeak toy of Rush Limbaugh. I am sick of random people trying to market dumb diet pills and vacation packages on my Facebook wall. And no I do not want to become a fan of “Hank Smith Accounting” in Blackwater, Missouri where my elementary school friend’s sister’s boyfriend works (should have ignored THAT friend request for sure). Capitalism sure knows how to ruin a good thing.
Social Media Marketing can be beautiful but its like putting Marilyn Manson’s makeup on Monica Bellucci- when approached the wrong way, it can turn into a monster. Every company now thinks social media marketing is random Tweets about their company and a Facebook fan page.
Stop it! You are ruining what could be the best thing to happen to corporations since MS Office. Learn how to do it right. Gain my trust and respect. Give me what I want to know and only if I ask for it. Don’t ruin my internet experience by bombarding me with services and products that I have no interest in.
I would appreciate it.
(And then probably buy your Organic trail mix or purse or productivity software).
“Sex and the City” isn’t where I expected to find the one piece of wisdom that would enlighten my life. Sure, I learnt about Jimmy Choos and STDs from Carrie, Samantha, Charlotte and Miranda but really… anything substantial or thought provoking from that show was highly unexpected. Well, anyway, I hope the source of the wisdom doesn’t discount the validity of the knowledge it holds.
In the episode where Carrie figures out she doesn’t really want any kids, she talks about the people around us who make us “should” all the time. Should-ing is that rigid, stubborn voice in your head which tells you life has to be lived a certain way (mine is a hybrid between my mom and a standard virtuous, old lady on a Hindi Serial). As a young female, you should go to college and get good grades. You should marry a nice, good boy from a respectable family. You should pop out at least two kids by the time you are 30. You should have a pretty house and a pretty car to be successful in other people’s eyes. You should want to be successful in other people’s eyes.
Women are known for their guilty consciences. Till we’re 20, we aren’t good enough daughters…after 20, we aren’t good enough girlfriends/wives…after 30 we aren’t good enough mothers…I swear on all that is holy, the root of all this guilt is the should-ing curse. The whirlpool of “shoulding” goes on forever until you reach the chasm of the funnel that is your life when you realize something remarkable. A thought that creeps into your brain, furrows your brow, tightens your heart and tingles your toes as it dawns upon you. ALL those people who told you what you should do were WRONG.
If you’re lucky like me, you realize it much sooner.
Since I took my first philosophy class about five years ago, I realized everything I thought I knew, I had absorbed from someone else. My ideas on life, morality, spirituality, metaphysics, knowledge, society…EVERYTHING, I had picked up from people around me. It was very disturbing for me at the time to realize I truly KNEW nothing. There was no foundation to what I knew. As I examined every value and passionate idea I held so desperately close to my mental being, I realized I had no ownership over them at all. If you asked me why I thought the way I did…I was left speechless. That is an enlightenment which a lot of people get at one point or another. After a brief period of skepticism and character rebuilding, like others, I too moved on. But I missed something…which I really wish I had caught then. I had examined the effect of social influence at a spiritual and ethical level but not on a practical one.
I think very few people truly know what THEY want out of life. We know what we should want. A respectable job, healthy social life, money, nice house…and we know how we should get there, thanks to years of tried and tested methods. If you want to be a successful businessman, you should slog at a job, get an MBA, slog a lot more and once you see the words CEO or MD beside your name on a business card, you should be happy with what you have achieved. Over the past few years of confusion about the rest of my life, I realized not only have I always gone after what I should want, but I have also pursued what I should want how other though I should.
Let me break down that statement in slow motion because it is the most important point I want you to think about in perspective of your own life.
- Mediocrity and fear of risk are so embedded in our thinking, that we force ourselves to be what we think we are supposed to be and not who we really are. Here starts the “shoulding” process
- This happens because like any human being, we want to be accepted in our respective social tribes. An immediate problem is we belong to many tribes- I am a member of my family Tribe, the Nasr School Tribe, The Ohio State University Tribe, the Entrepreneur Tribe, the Singers Tribe, the Writers Tribe…etc. etc.
- Caught up in trying to mold ourselves into a tribe’s stereotype, we try to find solace in the thought that we are making other people happy. But the day of enlightenment you realize…
a) other people will never be satisfied… EVER. I will say it again…no matter what you do, other people will NEVER be satisfied- 100 % GUARANTEED
b) it is humanly impossible to make everyone around you happy AND be happy yourself
c) you are unhappy, unmotivated and confused about your future because all this time you were “shoulding” and never had the courage to be yourself and do what you wanted to
- Not only do we force ourselves to stay “in the box,” even when we try to break free from its confines, that narrow-minded, mediocre, uninnovative, plain, bull-shitter thinking gets in the way. I promise you, it will and it is an incredibly hard mindset to reverse. So, the way we approach a creative problem is with an uncreative solution. Again this is because you have been told all your life, you should approach a problem a certain way.
[On a side note, this takes me back to the days of Elementary school in India, when you were expected to memorize answers to a history test straight from the textbook. Add a few extra ideas and no matter how right you were, you were penalized in your score because you were too radical and didn’t stick to the rules.]
- Continuing the downward spiral, most people reach their 40s or 50s and have that dreaded mid-life crisis where they look back and wonder what they did wrong. Why aren’t they successful? Why aren’t they happy? After all, they did what they should do. Moreover, they see someone else, perhaps a school mate who was not as bright, now the CEO of an empire…and they crib that life is unfair.
- For most, this is the inconclusive end of the “shoulding” process- a life of mediocrity, unhappiness and worst of all, a life that is unfulfilled.
Its a battle of could vs should. We have a need to fulfill our own desires, live our dreams and love our lives. But more often than not, we don’t do what we could because its not what we should. This leaves us in a permanent state of indecision…after doing what you should, you can’t let go of what you could…but even if you did what you could, you question if you should have.
I would say I had my “mid life crisis” followed by enlightenment over this last year. Enlightenment doesn’t change your life in an instant. It’s a slow process to unteach yourself years of “shoulding” thinking. But I think I am getting there. Read my “X Factor” blog post again and the “Don’t BS yourself?” post too. It all ties in beautifully (totally by accident).
Every successful person you look up to…Gandhi, Nelson Mandela, Einstein, Bill Gates, Warren Buffett, Barack Obama, Oprah…whoever, they never did what others told them they should do. They knew better…they had the good sense to look inside themselves and found strength, skill and passion for something and went after it full speed. I think that is the X Factor. The ability to mute the should-ers.
Now I am still in that process…but I think in my next post, I will explore how to get rid of this toxic thinking. Till then, I want you to think about the life you are living now. If you are working towards a goal…are you sure that is what you want or what you should want to want? If you are confused…are you confused because you really don’t know or because what you want is not what you should want?
Think about it. That is all I ask.
One of the biggest predicaments we have these days is organizing information. In our grandparents and parents time, the problem was getting information. People then had just as many questions as we do now but how well those questions were answered depended on how much time they spent perusing through massive library volumes or how smart their teachers were. Now, any question can be answered in hundreds of languages, by thousands of experts around the world, and in video, audio or written form courtesy Google, Yahoo or Wikipedia. Information OVERLOAD!
Our problem right now and for many years to come (perhaps for decades to come) is how to organize these massive amounts of information. When you consider enormous platforms like the internet, where every second a person posts another photo or video or blog or website, the problem becomes exponential. Even at a much smaller level, in our daily lives, organizing information is truly a hassle. Every day we come across an interesting newspaper article, blog post, documentary, website or book.
My parents used to crib all the time that I didn’t have to do “mental maths” and these days all you need is a calculator. Well I think in a few years, you don’t even really need to have much of a brain do you? I mean, talent and character will still play an important role in filtering the best from the rest but being “book smart” is going to become less and less important. Memorizing trivia and facts will be seen as impressive but unnecessary. Those who can find and analyze information the fastest and most efficiently will be the intellectual elite. One trend I noticed in college was that people who took better notes often got better grades.
Reading non fiction has always been a nightmare for me. Especially when I am trying to learn something new, be it about investing, marketing or religion etc. Earlier, I used to just jot down notes as I read, either on a post it or in a separate notebook. But I found that I rarely ever went back and checked my notes. Even if I did, it was hard to determine what I was trying to express at the time I was reading without any context of where in the book I was and so on.
Right now I am reading a book called “The Social Media Bible.” Each chapter is packed with interviews, tips, resources, links, activities to do etc. Its one of those books that has a great flow and you just feel like reading everything in one sitting. On the other hand, anyone who is interested in marketing or finding new resources for information would be stupid to ignore the hundreds of resources and tips this book has to offer from the experts in the industry. Recently, while reading this book, I developed this amazing technique that really makes my life so much easier. What I did was simple:
1. I abbreviated a list of the main utilities I was getting from the book.
R- Resources
I- Ideas
CL- Check-lists for how to proceed in a certain scenario
S- Strategies and tips from the author
2. As I read the book, if I came across a particular strategy for marketing, I highlighted it (very minimally since I think too much highlighting defeats the purpose and confuses you again with too much information instead of filtering what you want). After highlighting the strategy, in the outside margin with pencil, I wrote down S1 in a circle.
3. As you read, highlight and mark each important piece of information, marking it with your abbreviation in the outside margin and highlighting only as a reference for what you have marked in the margin. I also came across some people, websites or articles which I just wanted to browse later on (basically, a potential resource but I wasn’t sure if it was good enough to make the final list). I put in googly eyes to indicate it was a resource to just explore for a few seconds to identify it as a resource or not.
The purpose of marking an idea as S23 or CL5 as opposed to just S or CL is to make sure that when you go back to reference a particular piece of information, you can use the tag to ease the process. It also makes Step 5 below easier.
The system allows you to focus more on the information being presented and doesn’t interrupt your flow of thought. After each chapter, what I did was use the most amazing software app, Microsoft One Note, to organize the information. When you are reading a book for information and not for pleasure reading, cataloguing resources and strategies properly is incredibly efficient and useful.
5. Immediately after finishing a chapter (very important you do it immediately when what you have read is still fresh in your mind), open Microsoft One Note and catalog each piece of information. Make a notebook for the book. Divide it into the sections you used to catalog info (R, S, CL etc.). Then just jot down the Chapter number and very briefly what ideas or strategies you found important. For the web links, write down the links and the basic use you can get for yourself or your business.
Done and done!
Trust me, I spent a lot of time writing down the instructions above but it takes such a short time to follow them and they are so efficient. I get maybe 10 things I have to jot down at the end of a chapter, which takes around 5 minutes max if you are very slow with the computer.
Just try it out once and modify it to your needs. Its made a big difference in how I read and I love it! Moreover, by organizing the notes at the end of the chapter, it gives you new insight into the “big picture” since you are forced to go back and analyze your markings. I have always hated the chore of reading non fiction but now I know I’m getting the most out of it without compromising too much time and thought in excessive note taking.
PS Another good technique, especially for things like Checklists is to use paper notecards. The beauty of notecards is that they organize chunks of information and as you add more resources to the pile, you can move the order around anytime with minimal effort.
Some people are just special. After a few moments of talking with them, you know they are gonna do great things. All of us come from our mothers’ wombs as blank pages waiting to be written on. What makes some stories best sellers and others the ones that end up in a publisher’s trash can? One theory I always stood by is that these “chosen ones” have a uniqueness about them which makes them the best and us the rest. They have a secret to their success or some special super gene that makes them the elite.
Now in high school and college I used to think it was pure talent. They were smarter or faster or stronger or prettier and that was all there was to it. Only now do I realize how utterly stupid I was to think that. Haven’t we learnt time and time again that the universe is anything but fair? The smartest are not always the ones on top. The talented are not the ones performing on TV in skin tight, see-through pants for millions of fans. Well, stop the presses, blow the whistle, by George I’ve got it! I realized why some people are so bloody awesome and some people just aren’t. This goes along with my link in the previous post about hard hitters and bull shitters. All hard hitters definitely have this quality.
I really can’t think of a word to describe it. It’s a combination of selective ignorance, confidence, willpower, risk taking and a belief to some extent in idealism. People with the X Factor are romantic in thought but logical in execution. “Impossible” or “difficult” is not in their vocabulary. They believe, perhaps naively so, that their efforts will be rewarded if they never give up. They are confident not only in their own strength but in the strength of mankind as a whole to achieve, prosper and conquer. The Chariots of Fire theme song plays in their head everyday when they wake up from bed. Its a quiet, zen-like state of peace and power…like a meditating Ninja warrior. Ultimate control of the mind and razor like focus.
This X factor makes those who have it never give up. It’s that quality which irritates others who see it as over confidence. It’s what people sometimes misunderstand for superior talent. The people who have this X factor see the same fears, insecurities, real world issues and obstacles that others do. But they never let these problems take over their vision. They have a clear idea of where they want to go and the path to get there. Problems are petty speed bumpers that just slow them down. Most importantly, they know themselves inside and out which is why when other people say they’re crazy, unrealistic or arrogant, they could care less. No one dictates their being or doing.
Don’t get me wrong. Along with the X Factor, it is foundationally necessary to have a base level of intelligence, talent and a willingness to work your ass off. But the X Factor is necessary to be one of “those” people. “Those” people who make you go “Wow!” and command any stage they walk onto. People with the X Factor, once successful, can outline the most uninventive, ridiculous proposal but others would still give it a thought because it came from them. If you’ve read The Fountainhead, I am talking about people like Howard Roarke. There are many characters in that book who are successful but none of them stand out like Howard.
I think people need to get a taste of the X Factor and cultivate it to a great extent before they reach the champion level. You just can’t be weak. Every time someone puts you down, after you feel that first tear on your cheek, you say “That’s enough…I know myself better than they do.” If you fail at something you worked hundreds of hours on, you say, “Next time I work thousands of hours.” This kind of thinking may seem very cold and mechanical but its not necessary for it to be that way. Retaining a sense of individuality and emotion, while achieving champion X Factor status is, I think, the most admirable state.
Okay as I read back on this now…I think its kind of funny. I sound totally crazy…X Factor…Ninja…Champion…WTF? But no, I know I’m right. Maybe I’m describing it in a Sci Fi, exaggerated Comic Book Superhero kind of way but it all makes sense. Its a state of intense focus and dedication one must cultivate and experience to truly understand. No wonder I sound so confused in this post…I have a long way to go!
So what you still on this blog for? Go do yoga or walk on coals or something.
I ran across this blog post a couple of weeks ago and I think it is so frickin accurate. Read this first before I comment:
Link to Original
While laying next to the pool yesterday with my good friend Leanne, we started talking about the different types of people we know in our lives and why some of them have amazing success at almost everythingthey do in life, while others remain stagnant and miserable no matter how hard they seem to try.
We came to the conclusion that there are two types of people in the world.
The Hard-Hitters and The Bull-Shitters.
Here are the not-so-official definitions of each.
Hard-Hitter: Someone who knows what they want and goes out and gets it; a balls to the wall, pedal to the metal, no excuses, life-loving mover and shaker.
I am a hard-hitter (and because of it, I live the life of my dreams).
Bull-Shitter: Someone who only knows what they don’t want, yet complains every day about having it, and makes up excuses as to why they have it; a whiney, I would if I could but I can’t so I won’t, resenting, self-pitying, slacker.
Although I don’t know exact numbers, it is safe to say that bull-shitters make up a HUGEpercentage of the world’s population. We all know who they are… they’re the walking dead around us who go about their pathetic lives slowly sucking the life out of anyone who comes within ear shot of their infectious misery.
One of the things I find the most amusing about bull-shitters is their constant need to convince other bull-shiiters that their life is worse. It’s like “man that sucks that you lost your job today… well guess what? I lost my job and ran over my cat this morning… my life sucks way more.”
It’s this incredibly sad and pathetic need for sympathy that has made me realize that all bull-shitters have ONE distinctive characteristic. They suffer from the worst kind of PMS imaginable… “Poor Me Syndrome.”
“Poor Me Syndrome” is highly contagious and can be quite damaging if you are exposed to it for too long. If you find yourself in the presence of someone suffering from PMS, you need to distance yourself immediately and seek some serious hard-hitting treatment.
There are 7 hard-telling symptoms of “Poor Me Syndrome” that you need to look out for:
1. Jealousy – If there’s on thing I hate the most about bull-shitters it’s their uncontrollable jealousy. I get so sick of hearing the words “you’re so lucky” from countless bull-shitters I have ran across over time. As if I got to where I am today because of the horse shoe shoved up my ass. Bull-shitters are easy to spot because they turn bright green with envy when in the presence of a hard-hitter.
2. Resent – Yup. Bull-shitters are full of it. They are pissed off at the world for their “situation” and loathe others who are happy and successful. Yet instead of trying to learn from those who found a way to be completely fulfilled in life, they wallow in their self-pity and remain feeling completely sorry for themselves.
3. Excuses – This one has to be the most classic symptoms of PMS. Bull-shitters are constantly making up excuses as to why their life sucks and why they have yet to do anything about it. The truth is… they never will. They spend every ounce of energy they can muster up on justifying their reasons for inaction to anyone who will listen.
4. Complaining – When talking to a bull-shitters this is ALL you will hear. Bull-shitters have absolutely nothing positive to say about their current situation. They bitch and complain in hopes that SOMEONE (oh please anyone) has it worse off than they do. What they don’t know is the more they focus on the negative in their life, the more negative they will get. This is probably the most pronounced and contagious symptom of PMS. If around a bull-shitter for too long, you will feel the uncontrollable urge to complain yourself. You MUST resist.
5. Apathy- Bull-shitters NEVER take action. They sit on the sidelines and spend everyday watching life pass them by. Ask them why? Symptom 3 will suddenly become more pronounced.
6. Mediocrity – Bull-shitters have completely settled for mediocrity in their lives, yet they will never admit this to a hard-hitter. Bull-shitters have a horrible habit of surrounding themselves with other bull-shitters in hopes their “averageness” will appear less pronounced in comparison. The truth is, the only thing worse (and more noticeable) than mediocrity is a room full of it.
7. Ungratefulness – Last but not least. Bull-shitters are incapable of expressing gratitude. If you read my previous post you know the detrimental effects of this symptom so there’s no need to elaborate on this one.
Lucky for you (and me), these 7 symptoms of “Poor Me Syndrome” make it easy to smell a bull-shitter from a mile away.
If you are completely serious about being a hard-hitter and living the life of your dreams, the first thing you need to do is cut the bullshit and distance yourself from anyone in your life who suffers from the above symptoms. Cutting the bullshit isn’t always easy – especially when the culprits accused of spreading the “Poor Me Syndrome” are some of your very close friends or family. The best way to build immunity to PMS is to know a bull-shitter when you see one and take every possible precaution to protect yourself from their debilitating poison. Choose to surround yourself as much as possible with other hard-hitters. People who inspire and push you to be an absolute rock-star at everything you do.
Wow right! It’s exactly what you need to hear, unless you have achieved all your goals in life at this present moment. I would never tell this to someone’s face…am a little too considerate (translate as wussy) to do that but it is so true. Everyone and their mother has a comment on other people’s lives, choices, careers, relationships, fashion choices…and any other bloody thing. But have you ever looked at your own life and realized its equally pathetic as the person you just blasted?
If you are lucky or incredibly fulfilled, then God Bless You…carry on to be that way. But I think if all of us were to ask ourselves, “Am I a hard hitter or a bull-shitter?” our ego wants us to say “hard-hitter” but our brain is whispering with shame, “bullshitter.” Now though the author of the above post makes bullshitters seem like incredibly toxic beings, I just think some people are cut out to be hard hitters and some are not. You should just truly think about it yourself and accept it if you are a bullshitter.
Bullshitters can still be very happy with their lives. They may not do anything worthwhile and may succumb to the pressures of mediocrity to appease society, but if you are a bullshitter, be confident in that choice. Don’t sulk your life away wishing you were stronger, smarter, luckier or more talented. You had a choice to be something or do something and you chose not to. Simple.
On the other hand, if you realize you are truly a hard hitter, be more proactive in your daily choices: How do you manage your time? Do you have clear goals for the future? Do you spend time on developing the skills you need to succeed? What is preventing you from achieving what you want? This post woke me up…for real! I am the hardest hard-hitter but I was acting like a bullshitter for the past few months. I just really needed to question myself after I read this, and once I realized I am a hard-hitter in and out, I didn’t look back.
I think the author oversimplifies the concept a bit. There are unavoidable circumstances that can detour even the best hard hitters (I mean it…not just saying it in my defense). But the real hard hitters get over it and are so disgusted with the bullshitter lifestyle, they can’t stand it after some time.
If you want to succeed…
- You have to be clear about your strengths and weaknesses. Don’t lie to yourself because you don’t want to hurt your own ego.
- Accept your emotional baggage.
- Pick goals that align with who you are as a person and how much you can realistically achieve.
- Plan out how to get there and what the obstacles are.
- Have the confidence in your abilities and keep yourself mentally prepared to overcome the obstacles in Step 4.
- Ready…get set…GO!
Good Luck! You can be a hard hitter from any point in your life…click below.
PS I see lot of people are reading the blog but no one is commenting 
Mmmm…happiness. We all try so hard to achieve it. Its that ever elusive mental state that seems to disappear the more we try to grasp onto it. Right now after many many years I can truly say I am happy 
. Life is good, future looks good (or doably good) and I feel GOOOOOOD.
So what is the secret of my happiness? One thing I have realized is that very few people knows what makes them happy. I always knew babies made me happy. My cousins made me happy. Looking at old pictures made me happy. But that happiness was so fleeting. It was like a sip of really good soup which you can’t have any more of. I always THOUGHT I knew what would make me happy in the “long term” (whatever that means!) but when I achieved it, I didn’t get it. Since true happiness is a unique feeling of its own, I find its easy to realize why you are genuinely happy only after you achieve that state, unless you are a yogi or the Dalai Lama or someone along those lines.
I realized why I am happy. My life is now simple. I have shred ties with people who complicated it and made it toxic. I have a great relationship with my parents, I have a best friend who I can share my soul with and other people who fill my life with laughter and excitement. I know now what I am truly passionate about and what I enjoy doing the most. I know where I want to go and I have the confidence that I will get there one day. I have already decided that I will enjoy that journey rather than be impatient for the results.
The most important factor is acceptance. Acceptance of past mistakes, of reality, of people, of injustice and of suffering. I spent 22 years looking at all this and thinking, “Why?” but now I look at it and think, “How do I make it better?” I have learned to accept that some relationships will never be and that some are less than what I thought they were. But that realization hasn’t made me a cold cynic or a thoughtless robot. I am probably an even better person than I was because of it.
For those of you struggling with life right now, I just wanted to tell you, that anyone in any kind of environment or lifestyle can find happiness. It is your own riddle to solve- what makes you happy. Don’t look at someone else and think, “They are happy with what I have…why am I not?” Never give up on that pursuit of happiness (copyright Will Smith). I will leave you with my two cents on the steps to begin that process.
acceptance: of your weaknesses, of the negative situations in your life, of the bad relationships you have or have had, of things you cannot change
confidence: in your strengths, in the things you are passionate about, in your dreams, in the people who love you, in the people you love, in your ability to find true happiness, that you will overcome whatever comes your way
motivation: to be the best person you can be, to affect the people around you positively, to work hard and bust your ass, to live a healthy life
The biggest advice I can give to someone is don’t let you get in the way of you. When you know you’re being stupid, when you know you are being negative, when you know you are doing something self destructive, immediately condition your mind to STOP! Think about something else, do something else, talk to someone else, listen to music, play with your neighbor’s dog…anything! If you don’t change that, nothing is going to happen. I can guarantee that. Accept that you are your own worst enemy.
May everyone in all the world’s be happy…cheers.
Wow! Today was just WOW! It feels like I’ve been holding my breath for the last two months and finally let go today. I had a moment of clarity in Barnes and Noble that was without a doubt miraculous. Don’t really know what it was but as I was browsing the books in the medical section and then the self-help section, there was this overwhelming sense of peace that accumulated with every page I turned or every book I flipped through. Maybe it was my nerdy self being in my element or just the sense of amazement I get when I am surrounded by so much knowledge and so much life which one finds in a library. Every single book in that place was written by someone and every single page holds knowledge and secrets of this awesome place called earth. Okay I could spend a whole post writing about the greatness of libraries and bookstores but don’t worry…this is not that post.
Anyways, as I walked away from the bookshelves towards the exit, I felt such relief, I can’t describe the feeling. After months, I felt my brain release…like it had been stuck in a contraction and was straining to hold on but suddenly let go. Blood flowed again and with it a nourishing supply of confidence and optimism and hope and motivation and chocolates and rainbows and babys’ giggles…everything good imaginable. It felt SO FRICKIN GOOD. Eeeeeeeee!
You know that scene in Sound of Music when Rolf kisses Leisl in the glass gazebo? And she has this look on her face like “Holy shit! That was bloody great!” and then she gives the best shriek in cinematic history which captures all her emotions perfectly…that high pitched “Eeeeeeeeeee!!!!!” ….well that is what I wanted to do in the middle of Barnes and Noble.
Just can’t explain it. It was like someone snapped me out of a bad dream. What the hell am I thinking so much about? This is ME!!! I am Miss Motivated-Perfectionist-Works her ass off- Gets What She Wants. Thats always been me since I was like 3. Yes I was and am a little too idealistic for today’s cold, cruel world but I have been damn good at what I have put my mind to until now. Why so much fear? Why so much thinking? I am gonna make whatever situation I end up in, even if its awful, work for me because that is what I have adapted myself to do. i know what makes me happy and I know what I want to accomplish in my life. My life is gonna be great no matter what I do because when I want something, failure is NEVER an option. What I have been acting like is so NOT me…no wonder I hated being that way so much. I am a natural Leo damn it…I am a born leader. I need to accomplish amazing things to feel alive and fulfilled. So lets do it! Am never going back to that..EVER! Eeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!
